I am Sarah A!

There are two Sarahs. Sarah A and Sarah B. No, I do not have split personality disorder. See if this sounds familiar in your life:

Sarah B:
doesn't exercise
eats too much ice cream
lazes around reading novels all day
doesn't read her scriptures or say her prayers
tells her kids to go away and leave me alone
has a messy house
has no energy
tends to be depressed

Sarah A:
exercises daily and takes care of herself
eats healthy food
is up and about getting things done most of the time
prays often and studies her scriptures
plays with her kids, helps them learn, and enjoys them
has a clean, orderly house
has plenty of energy
is very happy and satisfied with her life

Sarah A and Sarah B fight for dominance in my life all the time. Of course everyone's happier when I'm Sarah A, including myself (finally realizing that ice cream and cheetos and brownies don't Really make me happy was a big milestone in my life). I used to be Sarah B most of the time when I was a teenager, in college, and first married. If I didn't Have to do something, I was probably in bed with a book and a bag of chocolates. Now that I have three kids, I just can't afford to be Sarah B anymore. And I have discovered just how content with life Sarah A is, on a deeper level than Sarah B ever was. So I have learned that in order to keep Sarah A around and not Sarah B, I need to Feed Sarah A. Literally feed: what I eat makes all the difference. Whichever Sarah gets more food tends to dominate my life. This means I can eat treats, I just can't eat the whole batch of cookies. This may sound obvious to some of you, but I have struggled with compulsive eating my whole life and it is very difficult for me to make a pan of lemon bars and not eat 3/4 of it within 24 hours. I have to really pay attention to how I feel. I feel so good when I eat healthy things, vegetables in particular ("up" food, my kids call it.) When I eat "down" food, particularly sugar, I end up miserable and am not an effective mother because I don't have the energy to do anything with my kids but yell at them. Then no one is happy and life is just too darn hard.

So I tell myself, "I am Sarah A!"

And I have been lately.

And it feels good.